ONLY HUMAN

(FROM A WEEKEND NOTE, THE EDITOR'S LETTER IN STYLE WEEKEND, THE WEEKLY SPECIAL LIFESTYLE EDITION IN MANILA BULLETIN, FRIDAY, 15 FEBRUARY 2008)

In this age of reality TV, nothing much is forbidden anymore, so that polite society has practically become utopian. At cocktail conversation, for instance, it is no longer a no-no to whine about how stressful your day has been and, should anybody hush you, you might as well snap back, “Why, it’s the truth!”

BLURB
Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few. —Benjamin Franklin

Most people no longer have any qualms about expressing themselves, whether or not doing so will cause the people around them some discomfort. “I’m only human,” some will say and so it is perfectly natural to ruin everyone else’s day when you’re not in the mood. After all, it is a lie, indeed, to say “What a beautiful day!” to strangers at a party when you would rather cocoon yourself at home watching TV.

And so you let reality dictate how things go. Don’t talk to me I’m thinking. I don’t like the way you look today. Why can’t I ask about your love life when it does intrigue me? This gift sucks! I can’t be with you on the most important day of your life because I don’t feel like it. It’s your birthday… oh well, I’m busy. I’m shy, so don’t force me to be sociable!

In matters of dress, for example, we have become worse than barbarians. Since when has it been a badge of character to defy the dress code because “it’s not me?” And since when has it been acceptable for a guest to wear a wedding gown to someone else’s wedding and steal the thunder from the bride? Less rude but just as inconsiderate are the people who think it is no problem to send their regrets at the very last minute, whether the invitation is to a party planned at least two weeks before or to an out-of-town trip to some beach paradise an hour’s flight away.

Saying sorry is a noble act, but some people just cannot do it. To me, it’s not so much pride as it is fragile, delicate, weak ego. Saying hello is not so much a noble act, but it does also reflect the state of your ego.

I agree 100 percent, for example, that some people are better off as strangers to each other, but I do have a problem with people who scurry away like rats when you bump into them in the hallway. It’s painful to watch them do their best to look away, to appear busy, to frantically reach for their mobile phones, if only so they have a reason to keep their eyes down. I believe my mother decided to send me to school so I could more gracefully deal with situations involving other people. I believe that she decided to send me to a campus full of strangers so that I would learn to behave properly in the company of others. Otherwise, she could have very well just taught me at home, away from danger, away from people who might have bad habits to pass on to me, who might not like me for one reason or another.

This is not to say that backbiting is any better than open rudeness. It’s definitely uncouth to smile at people and then stab them as soon as they turn their backs. It’s barbaric in every way, especially when done without compunction. After all, we also go to school so we can learn to control our impulses.

Sure, we’re only human. We cannot help it that we like some people more than others. Sometimes, we cannot help not liking some people to the point of not being able to stand them. But we can at least take the time and make the effort to be pleasant, especially when they have done us no actual harm or when we have no proof that they have done us harm.
After all, we are not wild animals whose only clue to social behavior is primal instinct. We are humans!

A
post me at aapatawaran@yahoo.com